and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
