my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
