I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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