My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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