good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Two words: nipple clamps
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