So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
