how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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