i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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