hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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