Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
