I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
