I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
