woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
