***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
