Small penises have feelings too.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my being single is dangerous.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
