I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
