i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
