I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
