NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
