We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You made out with two different species that night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
