So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
