so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
