Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
