THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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