I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
