Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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