just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my liver is dry heaving
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
