even my farts smell like vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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