My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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