last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
