Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
