You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
