You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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