Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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