Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize