We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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