I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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