K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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