Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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