i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
