youre lurking in front of me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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