I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize