I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
