I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
