The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
