Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
