i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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