I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
