Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
