Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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