I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
