This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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