I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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