I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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