i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
