i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
