Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
