there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
