Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
