come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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