It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
