Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
