420 ftw
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
