hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
