dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
