Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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