my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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