he puts the penis in happiness.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
