she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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