I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
