I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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