Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
