I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
