if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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