i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
