I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
