Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

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  (832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5
  Replies (7) Good night (1069) Bad night (2716)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.

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  (623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again. http://tfl.nu/xgq4
  Replies (22) Good night (4235) Bad night (737)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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  (409): It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself. http://tfl.nu/yf3o
  Replies (34) Good night (4229) Bad night (856)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.

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  (443): i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it. http://tfl.nu/j4pq
  Replies (10) Good night (1308) Bad night (4679)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
  Replies (17) Good night (5160) Bad night (1408)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.

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  (908): ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library. http://tfl.nu/ghke
  Replies (34) Good night (7031) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.

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  (347): It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency. http://tfl.nu/gkum
  Replies (8) Good night (2092) Bad night (909)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.

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  (901): Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement. http://tfl.nu/kvvh
  Replies (8) Good night (2380) Bad night (1254)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.

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  (815): In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up. http://tfl.nu/thus
  Replies (8) Good night (2568) Bad night (738)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.

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  (509): Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it. http://tfl.nu/ou1a
  Replies (3) Good night (2553) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.

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  (865): If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan. http://tfl.nu/8pg6
  Replies (4) Good night (992) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.

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  (256): Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive. http://tfl.nu/eyz9
  Replies (8) Good night (914) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life

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  (204): I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life http://tfl.nu/rqe5
  Replies (7) Good night (1119) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...

  (206): View more from Washington

  They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then

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  (509): My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life... (206): They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then http://tfl.nu/4rxf
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.

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  (231): That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/ogi2
  Replies (8) Good night (721) Bad night (359)

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