I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.