he thought i was a dude.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.