I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha