Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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  (646): My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play... http://tfl.nu/zidw
  Replies (17) Good night (1490) Bad night (4162)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

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  (513): the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust. http://tfl.nu/fcbh
  Replies (21) Good night (600) Bad night (5807)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

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  (210): Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight http://tfl.nu/kopz
  Replies (14) Good night (1238) Bad night (4243)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.

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  (765): I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot. http://tfl.nu/xw8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2989) Bad night (922)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf

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  (905): No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf http://tfl.nu/d4pp
  Replies (8) Good night (820) Bad night (3837)
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  (585): View more from New York

  i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold

  (1-585): View more from New York

  hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?

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  (585): i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold (1-585): hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce? http://tfl.nu/cepl
  Replies (4) Good night (3013) Bad night (652)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (2148) Bad night (664)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.

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  (509): Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year. http://tfl.nu/o1qc
  Replies (8) Good night (1975) Bad night (571)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!

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  (+44): Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/zew5
  Replies (1) Good night (710) Bad night (1019)
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  (858): View more from California

  He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him

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  (858): He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him http://tfl.nu/yvui
  Replies (12) Good night (2303) Bad night (680)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.

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  (954): threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start. http://tfl.nu/r0t4
  Replies (5) Good night (878) Bad night (443)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.

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  (715): I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out. http://tfl.nu/zox5
  Replies (1) Good night (998) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.

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  (708): Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything? (1-708): Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference. http://tfl.nu/anav
  Replies (14) Good night (1321) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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  (302): I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay http://tfl.nu/8522
  Replies (5) Good night (401) Bad night (751)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro

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  (250): I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro http://tfl.nu/if95
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (215)

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