Where did you get a picture of my penis
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
