He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.