Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
