I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
