Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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