its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
