i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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