oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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