I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize