Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
