What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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