i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
