Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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